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2013-2014 Regular Season: Season Ender Worthy
Of A New Year’s Bender
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- December
30,
2013
At 11:50 PM CST
By Eric M. Scharf
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- Cowboys Nation finds itself facing
down another round of "wait until next year" . . . having just seen "America's Team"
fall once more – in familiar fashion – right on its rear. Anyone
truly shocked by a third straight 8-8 might just be out way too late
. . . drowning their sorrows by downing several bottles of Johnnie
Walker Blue Label with Jerry Jones at a dangerous rate.
"The Tortured Cowboys Fan" saw the
season slide sideways much earlier in the year . . . with the arrival of Peyton's Ponies
at AT&T Stadium for the fifth game of the season that was
immediately thrown into high gear.
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- Barely Bucked By The Broncos
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- The Dallas Cowboys were almost
recovered from their San Diegan electrical burns when Peyton’s
Ponies came to town eager to take a few turns . . . and swinging for
the fence against the Dallas defense.
No one – save the most myopic of Cowboys Nation – thought Dallas
could even go the duration.
No one – except fans most imaginative – thought the Cowboys would
have the intestinal fortitude to fight off Manning’s Men without
appearing to have ingested a serious laxative.
No one gave “America’s Team” a chance to step to Peyton’s fancy
footwork during their game day dance.
While fans and prognosticators were understandably busy sealing the
Cowboys’ fate, Tony Romo put on his blue suede shoes and had Dallas
tapping a tremendous tempo right out of the gate.
Kiffin’s Kids – as hard as they tried – could only hope Romo’s
scoring shots would keep their defensive hide from becoming deep
fried.
Romo and Manning went volley for volley and punch for punch . . .
with neither one being able to eat the other’s lunch.
Just when fans thought the Jerry World Shootout could not get any
better, the QB contest headed into overtime . . . with few in the
nationally-televised audience ready for the pending crime.
Romo continued to fire with both barrels – showing no fear in the
face of potential perils. Then – it all came to a grinding halt . .
. with Romo handing Manning the keys to his end zone vault.
Something may have been afoot to make Romo’s throw go kaput. His own
lineman did – indeed – step on Romo’s tootsies right as his pass was
about to be freed. It was neither 3rd nor 4th down and – upon
further inspection – Romo still had time to tuck and duck or throw
it away . . . extending his opportunity with the next play. He –
instead – followed through and suffered a drive-killing
interception.
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- Further muddying the memory of this painful play was the
intercepting defender reaching beyond reach to get in the way. Fans
and prognosticators – most but not all – seemed to agree the Denver
defiler made an incredible leap to get his hands on the ball.
The Broncos felt a thrill . . . and the Cowboys fell ill. Fans – of
both teams – were in disbelief that Romo could ruin such a fabulous
performance with such untimely grief. It was business, err, Romo as
usual at the latest moment-so-crucial.
Make no bones about it. The Cowboys defense – with rare exception
and even against Manning – showed ZERO ability to adjust and
absolutely no proof of pre-game planning. Romo deserved far better
defensive support – though the silly suggestion would cause most
fans to giggle and snort.
If Kiffin’s Kids had shown up just a little bit more, Romo might not
have felt so obligated to score, score, and score. He might not have
felt so pressed to squeeze in his last throw . . . resulting in an
oh-so-familiar mistake and making most – but not all – fans madder
than spit.
The Cowboys were just barely bucked by the Broncos. Dallas had plenty of offensive firepower and skill, but it was
not quite enough to overcome a familiar uncontrolled substance and a
bitter defensive pill.
Short Circuit
Fans – each and every one of them – had just witnessed an offensive
outburst from America’s Team that had not been even remotely seen
since the second-to-last game of 2012 when they lost a frenetic
overtime fight to the New Orleans Saints 34-31.
Fans thought Dallas would regroup and be ready to go with a
season-long scoring show . . . but what followed resembled an
inexplicable short circuit – making them one and done.
Fans would spend the rest of the year being treated to familiar
inconsistency they just love to jeer. The uncommon injury bug would
also return . . . to make the already intense pain – for fan and
team alike – really burn.
Special Against The Skins
Fans expected the Cowboys to show up for their second consecutive
home game with an outrageous offensive chip on their shoulder. Romo
and company instead looked older and played like they were lugging a
boulder.
There were multiple defensive stands and so few displays of offense
– between both teams – you could count them on your hands. DeAngelo
Hall – to his credit – kept Dez Bryant’s demonstrative presence
pretty small. Witten – for such a big, reliable target – simply
could not gain separation or fit in.
Romo was shooting in the dark – against a Haslett squad that was
simply not having it – and his early returns were so measly . . . he
had to go late (and four deep on the wide receiver slate) to Cole
Beasley for a spark.
RGIII was no better, but he did not have to be . . . running like a
gazelle on his repaired knee. Alfred Morris also ground the Cowboys
defense up pretty good, but the Men of Monte held it together at
critical moments . . . showing they understood.
Special teams sprang to action – filling in the production gaps –
providing traction and logging seemingly uncontested laps. Dwayne
Harris almost single-handedly put away the enemy for the day. Harris
and his 200+ yards made sure victory was in the cards.
Would the Cowboys – moving forward – use Harris’ special performance
to get inspired . . . or continue looking tired?
Forceful Against Philly
Fresh off outlasting an age-old foe from the NFC East, Dallas was
determined not to take the bait during its latest visit to the City
of Brotherly Hate . . . ready to face the division’s least.
While special teams had earned an exemption, the Cowboys’ offense
was sputtering and stuttering . . . leaving their defense to perform
a timely intervention. Kiffin’s Kids did more than that – slowing
Shady McCoy, pushing back on the Eagles’ attack, and knocking Nick
Foles flat.
Philly could do no more than fill in with rookie Matt Barkley – at
whom Cowboys defenders grinned rather darkly. They picked him off
thrice and put him on ice.
Tony Romo was ultimately able to team with Phillip Tanner and
Terence Williams to scratch out two scores . . . but Sean Lee and
the Cowboys’ defense blew off Philadelphia’s doors – making the
Eagles stink at the Linc.
Devastated In Detroit
When the Cowboys entered Ford Field, they had no idea what their
latest encounter with the Detroit Lions would yield. Fans thought –
in the collective presence of defensive strife – Dallas and Detroit
would demonstrate serious offensive life.
Megatron was gone in 60 seconds – catching the first score. Cowboys
Nation was bracing for more when – to their shock and delight –
Kiffin’s Kids actually put up a fight. While the Stafford Strike
Force seemed somewhat asleep and suffering turnovers pretty steep,
Romo was treated to fabulous field position by a determined defense
in the first half.
Kiffin’s Kids – however – steadily went from fantastic to fertilizer
. . . sending high-fiving fans to seek out the hand sanitizer.
Megatron exploded for a superior second session and – like his
namesake – took no prisoners and would not give the Cowboys a single
break. Romo tried to keep up with the scoring – with a few of his
own – but he was helpless to prevent the defensive goring . . . by
an elite receiver who was clearly in the zone. Dallas was exposed
and – for the second straight year – Detroit enjoyed a hearty last
minute laugh.
Dallas seemed satisfied to merely enhance fan belief that – when
playing Detroit – America’s Team was just not very adroit.
Garrett’s Gang may have lost their lyrics in Motown, but they would
surely reach their quota against a beaten up Minnesota. Right? Uh,
not quite.
Moribund Against Minnesota
Ahead the Cowboys were clearly caught looking . . . and they nearly
paid the price against the visiting Vikings whom they were not
fooling. Kiffin’s Kids expected Adrian Peterson to most-likely get
his, but they refused to discourage Christian Ponder from getting
involved in the scoring biz.
DeMarco Murray was given a chance early, but Air Garrett
side-stepped the running game without even so much as a SORRY. Romo
allowed an undermanned Minnesota secondary to add another
game-changing interception to his stomach-churning collection . . .
but he and Dwayne Harris found the right blend in the end to ensure
the needle was pointing in the right direction.
The Cowboys were moribund against Minnesota and – until it was
almost too late – they did not seem to care one iota. Fans – who
quickly went from deflated to elated – were still proactively
preparing their complaints . . . about a potentially poor Cowboys
performance against the upcoming Saints.
Stale Against The Saints
Dallas arrived at the Super Dome determined to show frustrated fans
– who had been made so numb – their Cowboys were not Super Dumb.
“America’s Team” was hoping – just like in 2009 and against all odds
. . . to prevent the high-powered Saints from making Dallas look
like football frauds.
The Cowboys had to play keep away from Drew Brees in order to have
any chance to win the day. Dallas began with a nice, Murray-powered
drive and – while it rendered a mere field goal – it seemed their
offensive recipe might just help them thrive.
The Saints responded in kind and – after the teams traded scores
once more – the Cowboys’ bend-but-don’t-break plans began to quickly
unwind. Dallas could not sustain its initial burst, became
incontinent, and were exposed to the worst.
The Cowboys’ time of possession was a grand total of 20 minutes, and
it showed as they barely scored beyond single digits. Murray gained
almost 100 yards on limited carries, but his presence was capped at
brief rushing flurries. The Saints generated 40 first downs with
little push back from Kiffin’s Kids, and the Cowboys were simply run
out of town.
The Saints’ performance involved no voodoo. Dallas displayed
determination for about one and a half quarters . . . before
imploding in the face of New Orleans’ big point hoarders. The
Cowboys were out-schemed, outplayed, and looked like doo-doo.
Just Enough Against The
Giants
The Cowboys limped into town fresh off a humbling Saints smack down.
The Giants entered their latest contest against the Cowboys on the
strength of a four game win streak. New York was focused on forcing
another improbable playoff push and hoping they had yet to reach
their peak . . . with sizeable plans to make their rivals go squish.
The Cowboys and Giants were separated by just one game, and the
loser would endure plenty of fan blame. Garrett’s Gang historically
manages to lower themselves to the level of their competition –
particularly during this year’s battle of attrition. The Giants’
season-opening loss to Dallas made them madder than spit, and they
were gunning for a series split . . . but the Cowboys would have
none of it.
Kiffin’s Kids caused a first quarter fumble . . . and the Giants
could only watch as Jeff Heath scooped it up and headed for the end
zone on a 50 yard scoring rumble. Dallas was up 14-6 at half but –
even against the Giants – it was hard to tell who would get the last
laugh.
The Cowboys – since 1996 – had shown a consistent ability to lower
themselves to their competition. It was still possible the Giants
could end the game victorious from their deficient position upon
their return from intermission.
New York awoke just in time to see if Dallas would, indeed, choke.
The Giants – right on cue – knew what to do . . . performing the art
of another late game start. The Cowboys held up their end and would
not bend . . . with corners who came to play and save the day. They
would refuse to snooze on an increasingly frustrated Victor Cruz.
There was no Hakeem Nicks to deliver a passing game fix.
While the Giants did collect a Romo pick, they simply could not find
enough second half magic to click. A Cowboys’ victory made the
Giants’ postseason percentages all but history.
Near Choke Against Oakland
Stroke
The Cowboys began the game mindlessly, taking the GIVING part of the
Thanksgiving holiday literally . . . coughing up the ball and
allowing the Oakland Raiders a quick scoring haul.
Rashad Jennings continued to just rush right in – setting up a
sudden and sensational 21-7 lead – watching the Cowboys endure a
slow bleed and encouraging Oakland to believe they might win. The
sleep-walking Cowboys woke up right before halftime – serving the
fans a last minute lemonade score to go with their otherwise bitter
first half lime.
The Cowboys awoke from their first half slumber just in time to
begin applying much needed ground game lumber. The suddenly
functional 1-2 punch of DeMarco and Lance gave fans a glance at how
far America’s Team could advance . . . if they just gave a balanced
offense half a chance.
Andre Holmes – former Cowboys practice squad free agent wide
receiver turned exciting prospect turned numbers victim – may have
caused many a called coverage to be blown, but he was never able to
seal the deal in the red zone. A better day by Holmes might have
been the difference between a resurgent Oakland Stroke and another
head-scratching Dallas choke.
Brutal Against The Bears
The Cowboys brought a share of the NFC East lead with them to
Soldier Field. Kiffin’s Kids faced a serious challenge with the
Bears’ big bookend receivers but – with a sudden and sensational
secondary sighting – Dallas could have shown they were more than up
for fighting. Clan Callahan – against a defanged Bears defense –
could have sent Chicago reeling . . . with a continuation of the
previous game’s balanced offense feeling.
The ‘Boys and Bears were similarly matched with explosive offenses
and inferior, injury-wracked defenses. A high-scoring affair was
clearly expected but – for one team – that outcome was quickly
rejected.
Fans – from eternally optimistic to ever objective – were instead
made squeamish from start to finish . . . causing plenty of familiar
invective. After a quick opening touchdown – featuring plenty of
DeMarco Murray – the weather got a little too cold, Callahan’s play
calls got cute, a promising game plan disappeared in a hurry . . .
and the thought of a salvageable contest became moot.
The Dallas defense continued a nasty habit of hanging itself out to
dry . . . obligating Romo – once again – to give it the ol’ college
try.
While Murray greedily gathered his gains like a gazelle – knowing
the next play call could dump him back into running back hell – Romo
went into “safe mode” once Kiffin’s Kids began their weekly show and
tell. He seemingly refused to take even one (calculated) risk to
give them a spell. Then, again, Romo might have been suffering from
grizzly flashbacks and could not stomach another round of “pick six
packs”.
Brandon Marshall – during postgame interviews – suggested Dallas was
ill-prepared for the cold weather. Like the ‘pickle juice problem’
from the first game of the Dave Campo era, Marshall’s deep insight
was not exactly news. The Cowboys’ ice cold second half effort
ensured – more than anything else – their epic failure to get it
together. The lopsided time of possession just exposed even more
performance regression.
The Cowboys were brutal against the Bears – spending much of the
contest looking disinterested through frozen stares.
Partial To The Packers
Aaron Rogers was out and – after a detour that left his career
smelling like manure – Matt “Flash In The Pan” Flynn was in. The
Packers’ defense – like the Cowboys’ – was struggling and juggling.
Dallas was set up for a realistic win and to blow such an
opportunity would have been the ultimate sin.
The Cowboys showed up to play for one solid half, and they had Green
Bay on their toes until it came time to close. The second session
began with Dallas quickly blowing their plan and giving their
national television audience a good, long laugh.
Tony Romo – to his credit – continued to play his “one man IS an
island” role . . . while hoping his defensive mates would dig down
deep for a dazzling departure from their poor performance dole.
Romo – as expected – received no such luck. Garrett believed his
running game was suddenly low on pluck and – just two risky play
calls later – Tony Turnover struck. After two untimely picks – and
Kiffin’s empty bag of defensive tricks – with another avoidable loss
the Cowboys were stuck.
The Cowboys were partial to the Packers when – as usual – they
should have been 60-minute attackers.
Uncontrolled Substance
“Tony Romo is an incredible talent with effort so valiant,” they
say.
“Tony Romo always has to make more from less in order to achieve
success,” they say.
“Tony Romo has to sling ‘em sideways to prevent a pathetic play call
from making his teammates fall,” they say.
“Tony Romo has to do it all right out of the gate . . . in the
absence of a defense that can pull its own weight,” they say.
An uncontrolled substance is generally a risk, a mental mistake, or
devastating decision – the occurrence of which can seem unmanageable
by the current Dallas Cowboys coaching staff . . . leaving
“America’s Team” always susceptible to a major gaffe.
The Cowboys’ uncontrolled substance is called “Gunslinger” . . . and
there is little mystery to the direction in which fans – most but
not all – and the media are pointing their collective finger.
The more atrocious the defensive performance, the more pressure
there is for Romo to make up the difference. Everyone understands
and STILL – at some of the worst times – he cannot stop messing with
best-laid plans.
Romo went out of his way to play mistake-free against the Monsters
of the Midway . . . only to help Green Bay’s Swiss cheese defenders
look rather Gouda on the following game day. Greater decision-making
powers were supposed to come from “Peyton Manning Hours” . . . in a
desperate attempt to slow defensive deliveries to fans of condolence
flowers.
His still-huge contract – that keeps his roster spot intact – means
ZERO if he cannot finally control his unpredictable impulse to be a
side-arm hero. Romo is the only person who Jerry will allow to
provide critical governance over his uncontrolled substance.
Recovery Against Redskins
While NFC East contests are always tougher than expected, from the
playoff picture the Redskins fought to see their mortal enemy
completely ejected.
The Cowboys’ limburger-scented display against Green Bay had fans
caustically convinced Dallas was primed and ready for another
December plummet, dadgummit. And just when Cowboys Nation began to
check dates and flights for an early offseason vacation, America’s
Team chose to show up for one of the year’s gutsier fights.
Romo – who has been at least a finger on the guilty hand in the
Cowboys’ annual season killer – was all meat and no filler. After
sustaining (what was later determined to be) a herniated disc during
his final drive, he zeroed in on DeMarco Murray for the game-winning
touchdown and a painful hi-five. Romo had led a recovery against the
Redskins for one of his most important and memorable wins.
The celebration was short-lived by the brutally banged-up ‘Boys . .
. as they had to worry about the immediate availability of one of
their most expensive roster toys.
Romo – for the third season in a row – had almost single-handedly
delivered Dallas within one game of a playoff invitation. He was
going to do whatever he could to soldier on – rather than miss his
latest opportunity at post-season redemption. He knew the prognosis
but would have none of it . . . if he could have a hand in reversing
the past few years of late season indignation.
Jason Garrett played it tightlipped with the press all week, giving
no hint of who would be leading the Cowboys’ offense during the
final regular season week. He wanted to give his team any and every
advantage he could in the face of that familiar year-ending bony guy
with the reaper and the hood.
Romo endured an epidural steroid injection in the false hope it
would improve his pain threshold enough to halt his injured reserve
direction. The result was no deal, he could not appeal, he underwent
successful surgery, and he was placed on IR to heal.
Il-Fated Foul-Up Against
Philly
The Dallas Cowboys – like any professional sports team – wasted no
time in getting Kyle Orton up-and-running with primary practice reps
. . . while Jerry, Jason, and staff clung to hope that Romo’s injury
was manageable and not such a bad dream.
The Cowboys had all week to look around, survey the physical
condition of their roster, and formulate a game plan around their
available talent . . . towards an effort that – if successful –
would be incredibly valiant.
“Fit the system to the players, not the players to the system.” –
Bill “Big Tuna” Parcells
Dallas simply had no choice . . . as those “surviving” team members
– from an inhumanly painful season – had to dig down deep to find
the uncommon strength towards a common and confident game-winning
voice.
"We will rally around Kurt Warner, err, Kyle Orton, and we will play good football." -
Dick Vermeil, err, Jason Garrett.
Cowboys Nation heard it the entire week – from all but a handful of
prognosticators . . . most of whom had photocopied opinions few
dedicated fans would care to seek.
“The Cowboys’ inconsistent defense just used their ON week, and
their OFF week is coming against an opponent that may just be
reaching its peak.”
“A healthy Tony Romo could equally deliver a victory or place the
Cowboys on another horrible offseason trajectory.”
“If Romo is unavailable, will the Cowboys see the Kyle Orton that
went 6-0 for the Broncos just a few years ago . . . or will Orton
resemble the suddenly lost veteran QB who made Denver go DOH!”
“Can the Cowboys count on the experienced journeyman QB known as
‘Neck Beard’, or will they be experience another season ender so sad
and weird?”
Fair-weather fans were expecting the Philadelphia Eagles to
absolutely feast. Real fans knew that – in the current version of
the NFC East – magical moments are sometimes made by teams from
which you expect the absolute least.
Terry Bradshaw – of all sports network voices – picked the Cowboys
to deftly dodge the Eagles’ claws . . . and suddenly rise like yeast
to claim the NFC East. Terry is used to being second-guessed as the
"hick-turned-broadcaster" with a golden arm so blessed. Bradshaw –
just like in his first professional career – is smarter than he may
seem, but most insisted a Cowboys victory was nothin’ but steam.
America’s Team was – against all odds and once again – in the
survivalist position to enter “the tournament” AND win the division
crown . . . or cause more than a few million myopic fans to
furiously frown.
While the Eagles found themselves up by 10 points early in the
second quarter, both teams seemed pretty tight in their
postseason-determining fight. The Cowboys finally got on the board –
about six minutes later – to fan fear of an offensive crater.
Jeff Heath and Bruce Carter were completely out of alignment on a
collective coverage assignment that made fans cringe at how either
player – outside of injuries – could ever be a starter.
Kiffin’s Kids kept it competitive – even with fans reaching for the
extra strength sedative – focusing on Foles’ results being no more
than mild . . . even though LeSean McCoy – against the Cowboys’
“defenseless” front – would run hard and wild.
DeVonte Holloman – though playing through pain – was clearly no
“Hollow Man” and playing out of his brain. He was no worse for Ware
. . . stacking sacks and tackles like only his injury-ravaged
defensive leader would dare. Even Jarius “Street Joe To Game Day
Pro” Wynn and Jason “Steady” Hatcher got in on the quarterback
capture.
Dallas (unbelievably) stuck to their game plan and had slowly
climbed to within one point of nearly freaking out their AT&T joint.
Twice the Cowboys were just one hair away, but their typical and
terribly timed turnovers – one by DeMarco Murray and two by Orton –
prevented them from making THE play to save the day. The Cowboys
were – instead – preparing for a fishing trip with Gorton’s, and
wishing they were dead.
While the Cowboys STILL had a chance to force overtime with a
properly-executed two-point conversion, Orton’s ill-fated foul-up
against Philly . . . just made the energized crowd feel violated and
silly.
If Romo had been healthy enough to play, Orton might never have seen
the Sunday night lights of game day. “But that is why he gets paid
the big bucks” – no matter how long he was riding the pine . . . and
to NOT deliver a result that sucks.
Will They Or Won’t They?
Cowboys Nation was treated to a season ender worthy of a New Year’s
bender.
The offseason has arrived . . . and now stands as the only part of
the last three years where the Dallas Cowboys have regularly
thrived.
Cowboys Nation can now begin taking the entire summer to recover
from another blown chance to reach the big dance. Another dreadful
year came and went . . . with America’s Team goofing up a golden
opportunity to make a postseason dent.
If Cowboys fans choose to remember one familiar theme from a third
straight season of 8-8 . . . it should be how their tortured team –
despite all the incredible injuries and devastating decisions – was
STILL good enough to control their own playoff fate.
When you consider all their wounded warriors too injured to compete
– and all of their replacements who were signed off the street –
this was quite a sick and twisted feat. Fans should honestly be
vacillating between feelings of manic depression and near-freakish
fascination.
The Tortured Cowboys Fan has no patience for moral victories, but
there is a powerful draw to this collection of unsolved mysteries.
Fans can continue to blame Jerry “Just Market Baby” Jones for the
Cowboys’ woes.
Fans can continue to blame Jason Garrett and his staff for not sticking
to game plans or being “Parcells Tough (Enough)” to keep the players
on their toes.
Still – there is something to the concept of play calls being
properly executed (or audibly exited) to the discerning fan who
really knows.
Let us not forget the many challenges of the salary cap which – if
not properly managed – could leave the Cowboys and their fans
looking and feeling like total crap.
DeMarcus Ware? The Cowboys would love for him to stay but only at a
rate that is fair. He has sustained more injuries more often – which
indicate a potential career coffin. Those maladies – unfortunately
and as with anyone else – shroud whether or not his skills are
temporarily hampered, truly eroding, or no longer
there.
Jason Hatcher? He enjoyed a breakout year as a solid backstop for a
decimated defensive line, but the Cowboys have concerns about paying
big money for an older catcher.
Anthony Spencer? If micro-fracture surgery does not eventually
result in new knee cartilage that is significantly denser, no NFL
team will be convinced he is their defensive answer.
Miles Austin? He may be the only man on Earth who suffers incredible
stings at the mere mention of his imbecilic hamstrings. He may
choose to
retire rather than limp on limited legs through the always-hot NFL
fire.
Jay Ratliff? He caused quite an untimely roster and salary cap
tiff. The Bears were only too happy to pick him up, even though the
turmoil he caused in Dallas should have earned him not a single
sniff.
Nonetheless – and for whatever reason – the Cowboys’ smarts and body
parts have continued to demonstrate some serious football treason.
The ONLY way out of this tailspin Dallas is in . . . will involve
uncommon coaching staff creativity, reasonable roster readiness, a
motley mix of rookie pets and experienced vets, and exceptional
player execution to finally move past the Cowboys’ mountainous
malfeasance.
Dallas – someday – will turn their seemingly constant stumble into a
consistent winning rumble.
Will that day arrive next year a la Cinderella . . . or will the
organization be saying a not-so-fond farewell to that red-headed fella’?
We shall see. We always do.
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