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- 2019-2020 Regular Season:
Undesirabowl Fails To Fill Postseason Hole
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January 25, 2019 At 10:57 PM CST
By Eric M. Scharf-
- “The Tortured Cowboys Fan” – like
any member of “Cowboys Nation” – thoroughly enjoys when one or more
members of the Dallas Cowboys (from talent evaluators and / or
coaches to players) receive hard-earned celebratory recognition.
From weekly to monthly to yearly, it is always nice to see
“America’s Team” indulging a monetary award or trophy-collecting
theme, but the NFL’s annual “Brand Ambassador’s Paradise” is no
longer being viewed nearly as dearly. Viewership – in fact – has the
annual celebration of (newly or repeatedly) accomplished players in
danger of being put on ice (with no amount of punishing climate
change able to make it all nice).
The Tortured Cowboys Fan is no proponent of the (modern day) NFL Pro
Bowl. The name-heavy, competition-lite, watered-down presentation
continues to “play” an increasingly fantasy-football-esque role. The
NFL’s version of a fan-recognition-based “participation trophy” used
to be like a rough-and-tumble extension of a regular
season rivalry before the league determined (with respect) that the
event needed to suffer
some muscular dystrophy. The final (?) evolution is something that
old school hardliners fear more than watching doubles tennis, err,
electrocution.
The Pro Bowl used to represent the ultimate showdown between
long-standing AFC / NFC enemies or at least presented
inconceivable interconference pairings under the theme of
“the enemy of my enemy (briefly) being my friend” until the
more-than-symbolic game reached its rewarding end. It was
the impossible dream of seeing the best of each divisional rivalry
from each conference being “forced” to play side by side, and making
it work for personal pride. Seeing those mortal enemies find a way
to play together (for the greater conference versus conference good)
was both horror-film-frightening and positively-powerful.-
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- Seeing
those Frankenstein teams unleash against each other was incredible.
Players “back then” (and with rare exception) were conditioned to
genuinely HATE their opponents both on and off the field. There was
no concern over league branding suffering a negative yield. Players
were representing their team’s fans, displaying the
club-or-be-clubbed grit of prehistoric clans. The Pro Bowl was quite
the “social experiment,” even though some players (like former Los
Angeles Rams offensive lineman Joe Scibelli) went out of their way
to eat something AWFUL for their pregame meal to ensure their
fresh-air-seeking opponents kept themselves under lock and seal.
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- The Pro Bowl was the AFC versus the NFC, the Rebels versus the
Empire, the Federation of Planets versus the Klingons, DC versus
Marvel, the New York Yankees versus the Boston Red Sox, the Los
Angeles Lakers versus the Boston Celtics, the Montreal Canadiens
versus the Boston Bruins, or one of so many ancient NFL conflicts
that had the league office often calling next of kin (like the
Dallas Cowboys versus the Washington Redskins, before that
traumatized team from “The District” temporarily took on a no-name
theme).
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- Seemingly ever since – or relatively soon after – Sean Taylor (the
late great hybrid safety for that same Washington team) tried to
turn since-retired, two-time Buffalo Bills (and one-time Dallas
Cowboys) punter Brian Moorman into the last of bygone, special teams
smears in 2007, the NFL chose to significantly switch gears before
Pro Bowl participants finally managed to send one of their own to
heaven. There was great irony in “safety” being the position played
by Taylor, as that label was the polar opposite of the by-the-rules
intention of Moorman’s assailer.
Whether the Pro Bowl is being played after or (more recently) before
the Super Bowl, player health is increasingly of paramount
importance, as easily-avoidable injuries can take their (all
offseason to recover) toll.
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- “Wait one New York league office minute!
WHAT happened to all that
TOUGH GUYS in the Pro Bowl TALK?!” you say. Seeing the gladiatorial
intensity of regular season and playoff contests continued through
the Pro Bowl is a selfish fan goal but – for the sake of lengthening
the careers of all (but particularly star) Pro Bowl participants,
the NFL had to change their Pro Bowl way (or increasingly risk the
quality of their game day ingredients).
“NOPE! Nope! Naaaaah! Not good enough to suddenly dismiss all That
TOUGH!” as you insist on giving The Tortured Cowboys Fan unrelenting
guff. As Ellen Ripley would once say: "Did IQs just drop while I was
away?" The (in)voluntary, CBA-demanded absence of the cream, the
clear (THG), HGH, and more from the medicinal recovery diets of many
an NFL
player reinforces the need for the league to “handle [its on-field
INVESTMENTS] with care.” Add to that CTE concerns, and there is
growing but bottom-line-begrudging effort by the NFL to help spare their
star players from suffering earlier-than-natural career burns. GOOD
TALK? Good talk. Now, please, cut the uninformed squawk.
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- The Tortured Cowboys Fan
ONLY and ultimately takes issue with HOW
the largely patty cake Pro Bowl can truly, validly, entertainingly
continue (without the event simply becoming a physicality-free,
collectable trading card
venue).
Alternative By Which The Pro Bowl Can Live?
While the NBA’s All-Star game has its (“Defense? WHAT
defense?!”) imperfections, it has been
successfully transformed into THE pro sports, weekend-long, model
event with multiple variations of skills competitions (heavy on the
marksmanship, for which all five starting positions have an
increasingly-firm grip). Basketball – far more than any other pro
sport (save for soccer, hockey, and baseball in that order) – can
successfully promote and present a “Celebrity Game,” a “Rising Stars
Game,” an “All-Star Game,” a “Skills Challenge,” a “Three-Point
Shooting Contest,” and a “Slam Dunk Contest,” as each of those
events almost, Almost, ALMOST entirely rely on individual
performances (WITHOUT so many of the teamwork and equipment
ornaments). Once a teamwork pass (in basketball or soccer) is made,
INDIVIDUAL dribble-shoot-and-score skills are displayed.
No matter which member of the NBA’s aforementioned (traditional)
starting five (a point guard, shooting guard, small forward, power
forward, or center), each of those positional players – these days
in most-to-ALL skills competitions – can thrive. OK, Ok, ok, too
many NBA star players still, Still, STILL devolve into average Joes
when it comes to free throws. Otherwise, anything goes.
ROLE-BASED skills competitions for the NFL Pro Bowl, however, are a
bit of a reach, because very few of the NFL’s
comparatively-specialized players can PROTOTYPICALLY succeed in
each. NO, No, no need to mention the exception rather than the norm,
like one-time NFL’er Jared Lorenzen (who would QB-to-O-Lineman
transform) or running backs and wide receivers who could accurately
pass the football every-so-often.-
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- Before we go too far down this
particular rabbit hole, the NFL game (from preseason to regular
season to postseason) is simply not set up to allow or require
ONE
player of an offensive unit, defensive unit, or a double-duty
special teamer to CONSISTENTLY, game in and game out, take over like
each member of an NBA team’s starting five can often do at will.
Supporters who imagine role-based skills competitions as anything
more than secondary Pro Bowl weekend attractions need to acquiesce
and swallow that bitter pill.
“B-But the QUARTERBACK COMPETITION is always so Much FUN! Seeing who
can hit the most targets, both moving and static, or who can throw
the football farthest, is attraction number one!” you energetically
insist (knowing full well that – without the full game day getup and
hungry defenders in your face – such momentary excitement
can-and-should be wholly dismissed).
NFL players (like those in the NHL and to a far lesser degree
outside of catcher in MLB) perform their game day duties covered in
tape, thick bandages, and BULKY equipment (braces, helmets, and
pads) rather than JUST Hawaiian-themed golf outfits, err, cloth unis.
Skills competitions (in addition to or as a – GASP – pending
replacement for an actual, physical game) would merely be an
underwhelming equivalent to the annual, laughably-simulated
pre-draft combine, or a shorts-and-t-shirts pregame walkthrough, or
the “Battle of the Network Stars," which would be a shame (even
though The Tortured Cowboys Fan admits such an approach has already
begun to fill the frame).
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- While the NFL has gotten creative with the Pro Bowl (in mixing the
AFC and NFC rosters together and allowing former stars to select
players in a General-Manager-style role), there does not appear to
be a long-term alternative by which the Pro Bowl can [maintain a
safe-yet-still-PHYSICAL presence and] successfully live. A
nationally-televised ESPN-style “ESPY Awards Show” or “Heisman
Trophy Award Show” may be the safest, brand-friendly way to go to bypass the truly EXTRA
game day fatigue, though it would sacrifice the fan-cherished
opportunity to press the flesh (and collect all manner of signed
paraphernalia) with so many of their favorite stars from across the
league.
Participation Or Vacation?
The Dallas Cowboys have more than a handful of coach AND player Pro
Bowl participants to at least partially please their
divisional-round-victory-starved, vote-with-their-hearts sycophants.
QB Dak Prescott
RB Ezekiel Elliott
WR Amari Cooper
OT Tyron Smith
OG Zack Martin
DE DeMarcus Lawrence
LB Leighton Vander Esch
CB Byron Jones
HC Jason Garrett (and staff)
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- Rookie sensation Vander Esch joins Cooper as an “alternate” or
replacement for other players (like Carolina Panthers LB Luke
Kuechly) who won their respective positional vote (but are not
available to show appreciation for those who dote). Tyron Smith and
Zack Martin are sidestepping the event, because (like any Pro Bowl
participant) there was no prideful need to risk the physical dent.
Vander Esch is also the first Dallas defensive rookie in almost FOUR
DECADES to be selected. Though LVE is also only the third rookie
selected in Cowboys history – after Mel Renfro (1964) and Everson
Walls (1981) – expectations are that Leighton can become a
dependable defensive distillery. “The Wolf Hunter” is also just the
11th rookie in team history in general to make the Pro Bowl.
While the players deserve a hearty congratulations, they undoubtedly
would wish to forego their Orlando vacation for an immediate shot at
the unfinished business of their postseason participation that
seemed so positively hot.
Pro Bowl recognition is great and (depending upon the
sometimes-unique language within a given contract) potentially
lucrative for each player. Though the Pro Bowl is also a genuine way
for players to reward fan support once more before the offseason
doth arrive, the entire event still pales in comparison to the
POSTSEASON opportunities of rarified air (where Dallas yearns to
further thrive).
Will They Or Won’t They?
The Tortured Cowboys Fan – ironically – is not a “Pro Bowl Troll,”
but an old school desire – after reviewing the dumbed down details
of this player acknowledgement dumpster fire – has surely evolved
towards wanting the question of Pro Bowl survival being more safely
solved.
The sincere interest is “merely” in wanting to see a successful,
season-ending, fan-focused event that permanently drops the physical
risk of a woefully-underpaying SEVENTEENTH game of football (not
including a potential, additional 1-4-game playoff haul) and deftly
sidesteps turning role-specific skills competitions into an
anyone-can-do-it, “Comedy Central” free-for-all.
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- Will the NFL Pro Bowl keep barreling towards being a participation
trophy "Undesirabowl,” or will the league craft a durable,
think-outside-the-box plan to make their imperfectly-timed event more
palatable to players not necessarily seeking to fill an
oh-so-familiar, GAPING postseason hole?
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- If the Pro Bowl
is entirely for fan service, will the NFL’s earnest experimentation
eventually make the grit-starved traditionalists, the
player-health-minded fans, and equally-injury-wary GMs more
entertained and less nervous?
We shall see. We always do.
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