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2020-2021 Regular Season:
Cowboys Cave-In
Against Ravens And Hope Not To Bungle In The Jungle
December 11,
2020 At 11:12 PM CST
By Eric M. Scharf-
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"America's Team" headed into M&T Bank Stadium having had four extra
days to prepare and yet – with the impossible (?) desire to bleed
their division rivals' tenuous (?) NFC Least lead – they had no time
to spare.
While "Cowboys Nation" wanted very much to view the Cowboys'
victory
over the Vikings as something to build on,
their stale play on
turkey day against "That Washington Team" could (and should?) just
as easily be viewed as evidence of their (still hilarious) playoff
chances being done.
Though the Baltimore Ravens – entering this contest – had been
struggling with their passing game, the rest of their team remained
more-than-reasonably in competitive frame . . . with their running
attack being among the NFL's very best. If Mike Nolan's
perpetually-embattled defensive squad could not miraculously mod (to
serious tacklers and away from insufferable sods), they would spend
most of the evening as a barely-acknowledged pest.
"False Start, Number 88, Offense"
Before they could even reach kickoff, however, one
highly-anticipated player would suffer a pickoff. None other than
Dez Bryant received a positive result from a previously-administered
COVID-19 test. Only AFTER he engaged in close contact with MULTIPLE
Ravens and Cowboys personnel did the NFL and Ravens think his
pre-game removal was for the absolute best.
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Dez and Cowboys linebacker Justin March-Lillard chit-chattin' closer
than six feet with their masks down was hard to deny even by an
allegedly independent medical guy.
“I can tell you with complete certainty that our same exact
contact-tracing process was followed last night as what we do in
every single case. The fact that we were able to do it fairly
quickly is not reflective of a lack of thoroughness in the process.
It’s just simply the amount of data that was available to be sorted
through allowed us to do that.” – Dr. Allen Sills, the NFL’s chief
medical officer (and timely word salad philosopher).
“WHAT is with you and your routine hounding of the NFL for their
COVID-19 handling?!” you reasonably demand (with curiosity in hand).
The father of “The Tortured Cowboys Fan” is a full-blown physician
with whom the need to progressively adjust (to the pandemic) is
constantly reviewed and discussed. “All it takes” is one careless
mistake to make a brushfire from kindling.
Nonetheless – and as discerning NFL fans know all too well – the
show must go on, even if the league's ever-present bottom-line focus
continues to coyly treat its meal ticket players like petri dish
pawns.
Short Shots And Hot Spots
The contest began somewhat as expected, with the Cowboys' first
offensive series, being penalty-plagued, and ending in a punt. No
better and only slightly worse than the usual field goal, as long as
McCarthy avoided another poorly-executed fake stunt.
Once Lamar Jackson and the Ravens got their shot, their running
games wheels began successfully turning on the spot. But THEN, a
funny thing happened on 3rd-and-5. Jackson's attempt at a touch pass
over the middle did not thrive. He threw behind his receiver, and
Cowboys safety Darian Thompson became a timely retriever. As is
almost always the case these days when the Cowboys' secondary
procures a (super-rare) pick, Cowboys Nation gets so worked up over
whether or not the defender should try to pick up yardage or avoid
or take a knee to avoid any oncoming Gold-Tate-quality garbage, they
practically make themselves sick.
Nonetheless, Dalton and Co. were set up in excellent position at the
Ravens' 32. Fans and prognosticators waited (with breath
not-so-baited) to see if they knew what to do. Dalton would handoff
to Ezekiel Elliott who rambled for 14 yards (and – after his
terrible turkey day totals – probably told himself, "See? Not so
hard!"). Then, of course, the obligatory third down stall before
a(nother) field goal by Greg "The Leg" Zuerlein to break the 0-0
line.
Upon getting the ball back, the Ravens released a FULL sample of
their ground attack. Starting from their own 25, it was as if the
Cowboys took a willful dive. All the way to the Cowboys' 37 would
the Ravens drive before Lamar Jackson took the shotgun snap and his
feet came alive. Jackson would fake the handoff to his running back
(causing Jaylon Smith to hesitate just enough to get off track) and
DeMarcus Lawrence over-pursue, allowing Jackson to run straight
through. There were 25 seconds still remaining in the first quarter,
but Mike Nolan's defenders were already displaying their customary
disorder. Though only 7-3, certain Cowboys appeared ready to enter a
plea.
Just when Cowboys Nation was preparing for Dalton and Co. to deliver
another field goal or three-and-out, the Cowboys' special teams gave
fans something about which to shout! Tony Pollard – backup running
back and kick returner – escaped the initial kick coverage scrum to
display quite the downfield burner. Juke and jive, razzle dazzle,
his 66-yard kick return was intended to frazzle! The Cowboys were –
once again – set up deep in Ravens territory with another chance to
change their 2020 story. Dalton – on 1st-and-10 from the Ravens' 28
– took the snap from center, faked right to Zeke, rolled left, and
quickly found wide receiver CeeDee Lamb for the first down heft. On
the very next play, Dallas would have their way. Dalton would take a
(nervous for the fans) moment to survey and – to (double-covered)
wide receiver Michael Gallup – he would fire an end zone laser for a
touchdown to convey. Dallas Cowboys, 10-7. Was a high-scoring game
about to get revvin'?
The Dallas defense would sustain more tire tread marks up their
backside, but they would also force a three-and-out (given Dalton
and Co. another chance for more early points to sprout). Dalton – on
1st-and-10 from his own 37 with 8:21 remaining in the first half –
and fired a bit too low to wide receiver Amari Cooper, but his
tipped pass only went half-staff, and it was picked clean by Ravens
linebacker Patrick Queen. Lamar Jackson wasted no time with a fake
handoff to his running back, and sent an easy touchdown loft to wide
receiver Miles Boykin (with hands so point-scoring soft). The play
design forced cornerback Chidobe Awuzie to remain closer to the line
to guard against a pass to Ravens OVERGROWN (6’3”, 303-lb) fullback
Patrick Picard. Then, he and linebacker Leighton Vander Esch were
played like cards, as Boykin ran right past them for 38 yards.
Nearest safety Xavier Woods – nowadays displaying
questionably-competitive goods – was already playing the deep-middle
against wide receiver Marquis "Hollywood" Brown. Woods could not
react fast enough nor triangulate (like, say, Ronnie Lott) at the
Cowboys' two to take Boykin down on the spot.
While Baltimore was back up 14-10, Dalton and Co. would drive right
back down the field – with a mix of Zeke, little-used wide receiver
Noah Brown, Gallup, and Pollard – before a dippy delay of game
conspired with a Zuerlein banana kick to NOT result in the typical
three-point yield.
After experiencing an extremely-rare miss earlier, Ravens kicker
Justin "One Accurate [Guy]" Tucker would add another field goal
while Dallas – to conclude the second quarter – would spectacularly
turn the ball over on downs. "But, BUT" not without drawing more
frustrating attention to the NFL's officiating clowns. Dalton – on
3rd-and-6 from his 45 – took the shotgun snap and rolled left to
keep the play alive. He released it downfield a good six yards past
a thoroughly-mugged CeeDee Lamb. The sideline ref - so close he
could smell CeeDee's breath - but his vision, like his hearing, went
completely deaf. He did not even gesture towards his penalty flag
and roundly-deserved the nationally-televised STUPIDITY slam.
Dalton had one more fourth down shot – as he launched the perfect
pass to the middle-right of the Ravens' end zone – and while CeeDee
went up, the ball landed correctly and directly . . . in his hands
of (wildly uncommon) stone. Rather than a time game at intermission,
Cowboys Nation would be left mumbling about poorly-PARTNERed
precision.
A little under three minutes into the second half on a 3rd-and-4 –
rather than running for more – Lamar Jackson would overthrow a
possible first down reception with safety Darian Thompson nearly
collecting his second interception. For the defense's energy,
Zuerlein treated them to another field goal miss (that honestly,
truly appeared to be more a result of the wind than – GASP – his
former Los Angeles Rams lethargy).
Baltimore – with under five minutes remaining in the third – would
eventually score another aerial touchdown (from Lamar Jackson to
Marquise Brown) while their stampeding herd continued running (often
over-pursuing) Cowboys defenders completely aroun’.
The score was 24-10 “and then, And Then, AND THEN” – after Dalton
drove the Cowboys right back down the field – Zuerlein would miss It
AGAIN. The swirling wind (clear-and-present on camera) ensured the
fate of his footwork was sealed (rather than any issue of stamina).
The Ravens’ next offensive series would end with a successful field
goal attempt of their own (after Lamar Jackson failed to do more
than “dirt the ball” to an otherwise wide-open receiver in the end
zone). The score was 27-10, yet Dalton and Co. continued with their
up-and-down-the-field Zen.
Key passes to Noah Brown, Dalton Schultz, and Zeke lead to a
4th-and-goal (with a little over four minutes remaining) at the
Baltimore two and Dallas in desperate need of some gaining. YES,
Yes, yes, the Cowboys ran Zeke three straight times (avoiding fan
accusations of non-rushing red zone crimes) and the result was no
redress. Dalton found Amari Cooper in the back-middle of the end
zone (with the hopes their latest game was not yet set-in stone).
While the Ravens’ lead was back down to 10, and there was just over
three-and-a-half minutes still on the clock, a lack of timeouts
would prevent Dallas from being “the one who knocks.”
The Ravens would score one more time, with a Baltimore offensive
lineman proudly proclaiming that – against THIS Dallas defense – it
was “easy money” sublime. The Cowboys – once again – could neither
stop the run (that produce a WHOPPING 294 yards) nor could salt away
enough red zone woes, but that is how it (currently) goes. The
Ravens would ultimately double up Dallas, 34-17, and The Tortured
Cowboys Fan could imagine the plane flight home was quite the silent
(and – perhaps for any quitters – not a simmering) scene.
Good Quote Or Garbage Bloat?
YES, Yes, yes, plenty to quote but (outside of the usual suspects of
GM Jerry, son Stephen, and – occasionally – Mike McCarthy) not a single ounce of
bloat.
"Mike McCarthy is the right guy for the job. He lost his
quarterback. He lost his offensive line. They will get the injured
players back, and he’ll have an offseason to correct the problems
that they had this season. Their No. 1 priority is to sign Dak to a
long-term contract, not a franchise tag. That said, I would not
expect them to have this high of a draft pick in the future. So, I
would not bypass a franchise quarterback." – Former Dallas Cowboys
head coach and current NFL-ON-FOX analyst Jimmy Johnson (who always
tried to aggressively collect-and-or-trade-for the best-available
personnel in order to help his teams ascend to and remain on the
competitive track). He – like everyone else – knows there will be no
shortage of suitors to encourage Dallas to turn the trick if they
end up with a top-5 pick. Fans – most but not all – will recall how
after drafting Troy Aikman first overall in the 1989 NFL draft, the
Cowboys supplementally selected Steve Walsh (whom Johnson coached at
"The U") to ensure an even better offense (or team via trade) they
could craft. Fans may also remember how Walsh was unable to escape
Aikman’s shadow and (in 1990) off to the New Orleans Saints (for
first, second, and third round picks) Walsh would go. A treasure
trove trade agreement involving an unblemished, unused top-5 draft
pick would – ideally, naturally – seem simpler to achieve than
negotiating over a potentially-stunted player named Steve.
"This was more than just another game for me. It wasn’t about
revenge. I didn’t need a catch. I wanted to make a point." – Dez
Bryant (after learning he tested positive for COVID-19 and had to be
removed from the game day joint).
“Some [?!] teams have handled it better. I think our biggest
challenge has been the combination of the pandemic and the injuries.
We’ve really struggled to build any consistency.” – Head coach Mike
McCarthy in an interview with 105.3 FM The Fan.
“I think our staff as a whole is not where we need to be. And that’s
ultimately my responsibility. There is not a lot of continuity
between coaches, because most of us [due to the offseason impact of
the pandemic] have not worked together before.” – Mike McCarthy to
105.3 FM The Fan (knowing that while he may very well be spared,
there is little he can do – save for impossibly-improved defensive
results within four consecutive remaining 2020 victories – to
prevent Mike Nolan from being shown the season-ending door).
"I will say this, like anybody, you got a lot of do-overs. I'd like
to start again on how we approach our defense this year. I'd like to
start that over again. I'd start right there the first day." – GM
Jerry to 105.3 FM The Fan (shamelessly admitting how eager he is to
time travel through the "Quantum Realm" to alter McCarthy's original
defensive plan ["and, AND" replace Mike's handpicked man?]).
“Biggest Mike [McCarthy], Will [McClay], [GM] Jerry, and I have
talked about is . . . we were too aggressive on changing our scheme
on D [over a series of Zoom meetings no less].” – Executive Vice
President Stephen Jones to 105.3 FM The Fan (acknowledging the very
worst-kept secret for as far as Cowboys Nation can see, which has
largely been a total [and arrogant] mess).
“Can you imagine, man? The Dallas Cowboys flexed out for the
Cleveland Browns? Honestly, that’s a new low. That’s just absolutely
a new low.” – Hall of Famer and former Dallas Cowboys wide receiver,
Michael “The Playmaker” Irvin (understandably offering up zero
argument against the early-game punishment for primetime opportunity
after primetime opportunity the underwhelming Cowboys continue to
blow).
“Some of the biggest ratings we’ve ever had have been on Sunday
afternoon. That’s not a bad strategy to put the Cowboys in a
potentially lesser slot and have more eyeballs watch the NFL.” – GM
Jerry to 105.3 FM The Fan (like a well-practiced politician
following a professional pivoting plan, dodging the reason for why
the league office would suddenly stop the Cowboys from ringing the
primetime bell).
"I don't know. I just don't know where this organization . . . where
they go. There are just so many things that have to be addressed
this offseason." – Former Dallas Cowboys quarterback and current
NFL-On-FOX analyst Troy Aikman (whom many within Cowboys Nation
[myopically] insist should be less [objective] when dissecting what
has thus-far been a miserable Dallas Cowboys 2020 game plan).
Misery Loves Injury
Promising rookie center Tyler Biadasz has been designated to return
from injured reserve, and the Cowboys offensive line can use all the
warm-and-healthy bodies possible to help their offense meat (or
GASP) beat the production curve.
Cornerback Chidobe Awuzie has been placed on the Reserve / COVID-19
list and one must (playfully, PLAYFULLY) wonder if Chidobe was one
of the pre-game personnel whom Dez Bryant hugged and kissed.
Will They Or Won't They?
America’s Team still, STILL has something for which to play (though
a growing section of Cowboys Nation would [strongly encourage] the
Dallas Cowboys to turn their attention towards prime time
positioning for the 2021 NFL Draft day).
The (now) 3-9 Cowboys are but 1.5 games behind the co-division
leading New York Giants and That Washington Team. While Washington
holds an all-important tie-breaker, they could easily end the season
as a contending faker. The Giants (even with their current four-game
winning streak) might still succumb to game day decisions and
execution so dumb. And if Philadelphia can get no mentally healthia’
. . . that leaves equally-self-destructive Dallas in position to
MAGICALLY overcome their all-purpose-attrition and reverse their
inconsistent, losing condition.
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That begins with a trip to “The Jungle” where (on one of two
pathways towards more wins or tanking sins) the Dallas Cowboys can
further bungle. The Cowboys last faced (and defeated) the Cincinnati
Bengals at home in 2016 during Dak Prescott’s rookie season. The
Cowboys last faced (and defeated) the Bengals at Paul Brown Stadium,
the home where they roam in 2012 (following a tragedy the
organization only wished it could shelve). An off-the-field player
decision created a life-altering collision that was none-too-pleasin’.
While the current Dallas Cowboys could not be further removed from
that sad story, they must still decide if they wish to prevent 2020
from becoming further gory.
Will former Cincinnati starter Andy Dalton be aggressively vaultin’
– with the Cowboys’ ground game once again stalin’ – or will his
former team be outright assaultin’?
Will Nolan’s Knuckle-draggers throw more and better defensive
daggers, or will they manufacture a(nother unforgiveable) way to be
overwhelmed by a Bengals offense that is no longer
Joe-Burrow-helmed?
Will Dallas return from their safari at 4-9 or will a top-3 first
round draft pick remain more in-line?
We shall see. We always do.
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