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2021-2022 Regular Season:
Cowboys
Dynamically Dominate The No Names And Aim Against Arizona To
Duplicate More Of The Same
December 31,
2021 At 11:32 PM CST
By Eric M. Scharf-
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“America’s Team” entered their second contest in three weeks against
“That Washington Team” with the knowledge they had both clinched an
NFC playoff berth (courtesy of the San Francisco 49ers’ loss to the
Tennessee Titans on Thursday night) “and, And, AND” won, err,
repossessed the NFC East crown (courtesy of a
convoluted-yet-still-valid strength-of-schedule tie-breaker that
would surely leave Philadelphia Eagles fans with a bit of a belly-acher).
Would Washington be awash with determination to finally, Finally,
FINALLY make head coach Mike McCarthy pay for his weeks-old,
arrogantly-bold, pre-game victorious declaration?
After Dallas picked up a quick first down to start the game, it
appeared an undermanned-but-motivated, nameless (but not aimless?)
team was ready to stake their competitive claim. The Cowboys'
initial drive failed to thrive (due to a sack of Dak and a
by-design-yet-poorly-executed Cedrick Wilson lateral that was not
Cooper-compatible). YES, Yes, yes, even if Cedrick had flipped the
football slightly-ahead of (rather than behind) Amari, the
slower-to-respond Cooper was perhaps doomed to look sorry. After
having punted, was the offense - once again - stunted? Would a
vengeful rival (desperate for wild card survival) turn "The Mighty
Quinns" into the hunted?
Just when Cowboys Nation was allowed a split-second to wonder "Will
THIS be another 'lower yourself to your opponent's level' NFC Least
divisional blunder?!" . . . the Dallas Cowboys would EXPLODE for
nearly 60 minutes of UNBRIDLED THUNDER!
“Really? REALLY? And from YOU, the constant skeptic, apparently
cleansing the past few weeks of trolling so antagonistic with
amazing antiseptic?! After two consecutive offensively-stunted wins,
you think I’m gonna’ suddenly BUY IN?!” you understandably question
(like one of two henchmen mocking a zip-tied Tony Stark for
inconceivably insisting their lives were about to go irreversibly
dark).
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Washington quarterback Taylor Heinicke – with his first play on
offense – went deep from his own 28 to his top receiving threat.
Stud Cowboys cornerback Trevon Diggs – who had SILENCED wide
receiver Terry McLaurin just two weeks prior – plucked his ELEVENTH
interception on the 2021 season while yelling "You WANNA' BET?!"
Dak and Co. – in going no-huddle from their own 29 –
opportunistically, appreciatively acknowledged "Ohhh! THIS will do
just fine!" A couple doses of patient-yet-pronounced running back
Ezekiel Elliott had the Cowboys' offensive line suddenly smelling
it. A Dak-to-Cooper and Dak-to-Schultz aerial spread – sandwiching a
Prescott-lost (but Zeke-recovered) fumble that nearly caused fans to
mystifyingly mumble – began to get into Washington's collective
head. Dak would reward his best friend with a five-yard touchdown
pass (bringing their second offensive series to a proper end). The
score was just seven to nothing, but Dallas was just starting to
slash at Washington's stuffing.
Washington's next series would last all of 20 yards and a
minute-and-a-half (before an anticipating giggle began to grow into
a full-on laugh). Heinicke would narrowly evade oncoming safety
Jayron Kearse (who impressively bit at neither the tight end
escaping nor the running back to which Heinicke was faking). What
was that? "What about slot receiver Adam Humphries who was sneaking,
relatively speaking?" If (by Washington wideout McLaurin) Cowboys
cornerback Anthony Brown had not been momentarily-obstructed (before
a perfectly-timed, first-down-fetching, sidearm pass which Heinicke
had conducted), Humphries might also have been defensively-abducted.
Heinicke would barely bypass another near-sack (by Cowboys defensive
end Randy Gregory) but would be forced to "dirt the ball" before
Dallas – in ALL THREE PHASES – could officially trigger the rest of
their hilarious haul.
Dak and Co. would go on a quick (and far-more-productive,
well-rounded) run of their own to cut the Washington defense further
to the bone. As would be the case over the course of the game,
Prescott would involve a variety of weapons with results being just
the same. Backup running back Tony Pollard – for two straight plays
– demonstrated that his plantar fasciitis was just a phase. Wide
receiver CeeDee Lamb pitched in two of his own without a single "How
could he drop THAT?!" moan. Reserve wideout Cedrick Wilson would put
in for a lil' bit before Dak began to reward his number one wide
receiver Amari Cooper for his early-week "I can do more (if TO ME
Dak threw more)" snit. Dak would top off their no-huddle drive with
a FABULOUS fake left to Tony Pollard, followed by a stress-free
stroll to the right, before Prescott found tight end Dalton Schultz
for some EASY touchdown delight. It was 14 to nothin’ and everyone
(from Washington to fans to prognosticators) would see that
America’s Team was simply not bluffin’.
Following Greg Zuerlein’s kickoff and just three players later,
defensive end DeMarcus "Tank" Lawrence would become the ultimate
Heinicke hater. Washington's QB – on 3rd-and-7 from his own 43 –
would take the shotgun snap. A moment after McLaurin would run a
sickeningly-soft pick from the slot (onto which both cornerback
Trevon Diggs and safety Jayron Kearse would conveniently collapse),
another turnover would fall right into the Cowboys' laps. Before
running back Jonathan Williams (lined up wide right) could finish
his inward-headed route, Tank – in the first of four unexpected
highlights of the evening – would get his hands up to
bat-and-intercept a Heinicke pass by its outward-headed snout.
For only the second time in his eight-year career did DeMarcus look
at a football in flight and yell: "Lil' pigskin! Lil' pigskin! Let
me in, err, come Down HERE!" Lawrence would rumble not so humble
down the left sideline. Neither a chasing offensive lineman nor a
sliding Heinicke (hoping to sideswipe the defender with whom he had
a gripe) could prevent Tank from crossing their goal line. Wideout
McLaurin made a last-ditch tackle as the Dallas football thief
entered the end zone but – though Tank nearly allowed himself to be
an oaf with a loaf – there would be Leon Lett groan. The score
became 21 to nothin’ with the Cowboys barely breaking a sweat and
That Washington Team already huffin’ and puffin’.
While Washington would finally score early in the second quarter
(courtesy of a 48-yard pass to rookie receiver Dyami Brown, followed
by a quick, 'round-the-bend blast from running back DeAndre Carter,
and a touchdown-tracking swing pass to running back Antonio Gibson),
it was just too late for Washington to catch up or change the order
(not matter how determined their mission).
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Washington (after making it a 21-7 game) would spend the rest of the
second quarter (thanks to relentless pressure from "The Mighty
Quinns") being an involuntary productivity hoarder. Yes,
satisfyingly lame.
Dak and Co. – with head coach Mike McCarthy's blessing – would keep
their collective foot on the pedal and really display their scoring
metal.
Dak would aggressively-escape the pocket to find wide receiver
Michael Gallup for a 40-yard pickup before energetically-scrambling
for 13 more. Zeke – after a nice lead block from a pulling La'el
Collins – would put his own head down and bulldoze his way through
THREE converging defenders for an 11-yard rushing score. It was
28-7, and Dallas' offensive machine was still revvin'.
Dak – in the second of four unexpected highlights of the evening –
would find tackle-eligible Terence Steele for a wide-open, one-yard
touchdown catch that just kept Washington defenders reeling. Steele
would do a great job selling his block until into the end zone he
would unlatch for an easy pass to catch. The entire offense would
swarm Steele to celebrate, but there was still, Still, STILL one
more score on their first half plate.
Washington (down 35-7) would make one last second quarter effort to
see if another score Heinicke could leaven. A few plays after
running back Antonio Gibson would pick up 21 of YAC, Heinicke would
go deep to ignite Terry McLaurin’s dormant receiving attack.
Cornerback Trevon Diggs was in lockstep alignment with his shutdown
assignment, so much so that his soon-to-be-tangled feet had nowhere
else to go. Diggs (while watching the incoming pass all along) came
on a bit too strong, but the sideline judge was quick to say:
“You’ve done nothing wrong!”
Dak and Co. – with less than two minutes to strive on one more drive
– would move quickly to make the lopsided score even more prickly.
Prescott would “matriculate the ball down the field” on what was
largely the “Cooper and Schultz Show” before the latter sustained a
“defenseless receiver” blow (with Washington cornerback Bobby McCain
bringing the shoulder-first but helmet-second pain). Soon after the
15-yard penalty was assessed, Dak fired to a momentarily-alone
Cooper (narrowly-open in the front-left of the end zone) for a
13-yard touchdown to ensure Washington was once more “blessed.” The
halftime score was 42-7, and members of Cowboys Nation – those at
the stadium, watching on TV, and boisterously on social media – were
in absolute heaven.
While The Mighty Quinns would spend the entire second half ensuring
Washington’s offense continued performing at less than half staff,
Fassel’s special teams apostles would get in on the act, and even
backup QB Cooper Rush would get untracked.
More than halfway through the third quarter, Heinicke felt pressure
from defensive tackle Neville Gallimore and hybrid Micah Parsons
after taking the shotgun snap. His hurried hail went right through
receiver Adam Humphries' claws (uncommonly, like an employee looking
to be fired for just cause). Heinicke was heard yelling "Ohhh,
CRAP!" as 2021 second round pick Kelvin Joseph's first career
interception narrowly slipped out of his own rookie paws. "And then,
And Then, AND THEN," reserve running back Corey Clement – in the
third of four unexpected highlights of the evening – came flying
through Washington's punt protection and blocked, Blocked, BLOCKED
punter Tress Way's desired projection! Rookie defensive end Chauncey
Golston was in impressively-convenient position to cement the
Cowboys' latest scoring incision. Golston became the 19th Cowboys
player to score a touchdown this season, and his SPECIAL teams
holiday gift was ohhhh, so pleasin’.
Though the 49-7 score conveyed a whopping differential, there was
still another celebratory score to pour so eventual. Cooper Rush –
in the fourth of four unexpected highlights of the evening (with
Prescott having acquiesced to some relieving) – on 3rd-and-6 from
his own 25 (and trying to keep his playing time alive) would find
reserve wide receiver Malik Hooker on a buttonhook(er).
Rather than dive forward for an achievable first down, Turner
proceeded to make his Washington pursuers (one-and-all) resemble a
collective clown caught in a reverse run down. Bob, weave, juke,
jive, zig, and zag (for 61 sensational yards) until his energy would
finally flag at the Washington 14. After allowing him a
change-of-quarter breather, Rush would find Turner again to play out
the Cowboys' last touchdown scene. Malik (and his “Home Alone”
routine in the end zone) can count on The Tortured Cowboys Fan as
yet another believer perhaps to a greater degree than the
still-groin-injured Noah Brown he has (temporarily?) replaced.
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While Washington would take advantage of Dan Quinn allowing his unit
to perform like a “prevent defense” bandage to score their second
touchdown (following their tight end’s extremely lucky fumble
recovery / end zone discovery), the Dallas Cowboys would officially,
overwhelmingly, and otherworldly let off some 56-7 steam against
That Washington Team. It was an embarrassment of Cowboys riches that
had everyone (but Washington and their fans) in stitches.
Yes, But . . .
“The Dallas Cowboys just destroyed the Washington Football Team and
have a full head of steam!”
Yes, but . . . Washington was the equivalent of a pirate ship
captain with not one but TWO peg legs. As the saying goes: “You
should beat the teams you’re supposed to beat (especially if those
teams have the consistency of runny eggs).”
"Dallas Cowboys players are collecting ‘Player of the Game, Week,
and Month’ awards like they are going out of style, and those
achievements make fans just wanna’ smile!”
Yes, but . . . those plaudits are meaningless until those players –
as members of sturdy units within a solid TEAM – begin (not
continue, not resume, but BEGIN) to win the kinds of games that
righteously support their playoff goals and Super Bowl theme.
The Cowboys’ early-season success – again and Again and AGAIN – is
so laughably long ago. Dallas – in the here and the now – is healing
and feeding off familiar and weaker NFC East foes, as everyone with
a pulse surely does know. If Dallas is as good as suspected,
celebrating victories over limping lambs must be roundly REJECTED.
An entirely new level of competition in the postseason better be
EXPECTED, as “Yes, but” will not make the cut.
Good Quote Or Bad Bloat?
"Talent, coaching, culture, work ethic. I think we have it all right
now. And from what I’ve seen, it’s very rare to have it all." –
Cowboys wide receiver Amari Cooper (obviously sharing his opinion as
to the well-rounded approach to which he and his teammates are able
to successfully play ball).
“We’re not alligators. We don’t get paralyzed after we eat.” –
Cowboys stellar rookie linebacker Micah Parsons (reminding everyone
he and his fellow “lions” are always on the hunt for the next
opposing garrison).
“I wasn’t coming here to look what my next job would be. I wanted to
come in here and have a blast and hopefully kick ass and make an
impact. Honestly, I’m having a blast being right here with this
crew. That is where my mind is. That’s where my heart is. I don’t
really spend a lot of time thinking about down the road or what’s
next. I just like being in the moment with the guys.” – Cowboys
defensive coordinator Dan Quinn (on potential new head coaching
opportunities versus the situation he currently is in).-
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"Those benches, I'd just assume keep them if we can lock them down
out there and maybe keep them out there permanently." – GM Jerry on
105.3FM "The Fan" (playfully-referencing Washington's own imported
benches which were tit-for-tat reactive rather than at all part of
a
cleverly proactive plan).
Misery Loves Viruses And Injury
While free safety Malik Hooker and cornerback Jourdan Lewis have
been activated from the COVID-19 list, unvaccinated Cowboys
linebacker / safety hybrid Keanu Neal has tested positive for
COVID-19 for the second time this season. That leaves Dallas with
only THREE linebackers available (Micah Parsons, Leighton Vander
Esch, and Luke Gifford) for their next contest, and it is none too
pleasin’. One-dimensional linebacker Jaylon Smith is long gone, and
reserve linebacker Francis Bernard (out with COVID-19 and a groin
injury) could not possibly turn it on. Promising rookie linebacker
Jabril Cox is, of course, out for the year with an ACL tear.
Rookie defensive tackle Quinton Bohanna has also been added to the
reserved / COVID-19 list, and rookie wide receiver Simi Fehoko
remains on the list.
While running back Zeke Elliott, defensive end DeMarcus Lawrence,
running back Tony Pollard, and left tackle Tyron Smith continue to
respectively manage knee, foot, foot, and ankle injuries, they are
ALL still a GO for game day urgency.
Reserve wide receiver Malik Turner has a calf injury but he, too,
remains ready to play through.
Head Coach To Poach?
Defensive coordinator Dan Quinn and offensive coordinator Kellen
Moore are receiving interest from other teams (who are officially
allowed by the NFL to begin interviewing mutually-intrigued
candidates for head-coaching themes).
Quinn turned down the opportunity to interview for the Jacksonville
Jaguars’ recently-vacated, publicly-annihilated head coaching role
in order to focus on his current job (rather than risk – for himself
or his players – the appearance of a split-focus slob). He has
consistently professed his desire to be and remain “in the moment”
rather than engage in distractions (worthy or not) that might
require atonement.
Gazing imaginatively into the future, Cowboys Nation can only
collectively, selfishly hope that Quinn comes to believe that only
as a single-discipline-dedicated coordinator can he best nurture or
the greatest weight can he successfully heave.
Quinn’s PLAYER-FIRST, schematic impact on the Cowboys’ defense – along with an
acknowledged influx of free agent and rookie talent so collectively
valiant – has been no less than night and day (compared to Dallas’
2020 display). While Quinn is only human and may want to holding top
dog sway, The Tortured Cowboys Fan certainly appreciates his
(momentary?) desire to continue showing his defensive unit the way.
Speaking of night and day, Moore has gone from (or maintained all
along) “Everyone LOVES Raymond, err, Kellen” to “how can we get
Linehan, err, Garrett, err, the latest unadaptable guy out the
door?!”
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“W-What ABOUT Kellen Moore?!” you anxiously ask (holding back tears
with “I’m not gonna’ listen” fingers furiously forced into your ears
while nervously wondering why the Cowboys’ offensive wunderkind
would not be up to the task). Until Kellen can deliver
more-CONSISTENTLY (if not sensationally) – within his own discipline
and without further responsibility – when under duress from
circumstances less than perfect or of a mild talent mess, then, he
will continue to malfunction situationally, and he cannot be taken
seriously. The delicious D.C. destruction notwithstanding, the
Cowboys (certainly, inconceivably more than the fans) need Moore to
HELP his toy soldiers stick the less-than-ideal landing (when
situations inconveniently deviate from his perfectly-pressed plans).
Teams in search of the “next Big THING” or “better than we had”
cannot currently count on anything more robust than going from ideal
to concussed with little-to-no-adjust from Linehan’s favorite lad.
Teams looking for a coach to poach should (and surely do?)
understand that not all head coaching candidates are created equal
and only one of these gentlemen is even remotely suited for a
leadership sequel.
Will They Or Won’t They?
Now that America’s Team has recaptured the NFC East crown, they must
be ready for the Arizona Cardinals to come to town.
Extremely evasive Cardinals star quarterback Kyler Murray and his
Arizona teammates throttled the Dallas Cowboys in 2020. Many, MANY
changes were made on the Cowboys’ defensive end, because games like
THAT one were simply not at all funny. Dr. Quinn “Medicine Man” was
brought in to brew a different blend.
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Will The Mighty Quinns, indeed, dynamically demonstrate how
different they are from what former defensive coordinator Mike Nolan
pulled out of an injury-plagued, poorly-planned, COVID-19-infected
jar?
Will Kyler Murray’s (fact-based?) belief be proven true that he was
never a Cowboys fan because “they were ALWAYS ass," or will the
Cowboys show the diminutive dynamo that neither he nor his comments
will receive a pass?
Will Kellen Moore, Dak Prescott, and the Cowboys’ offense be
(situationally) prepared to correct the issues that forced
last
year’s Andy-Dalton-led offense to have so morbidly erred?
Will the Dallas Cowboys be able to keep wearing their “NFC
East-Colored Glasses” while showing they are in one of those higher
– GASP – elite classes?
Will America’s Team be momentum-focused like a team that has merely
gained entry into the playoffs (rather than a team that has
prematurely triggered its peak payoff)?
We shall see. We always do. Happy New Year to you!
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